tmi tuesday #144

1. Are your farts;
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky
answer: all the above at various times

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.
answer: yes. it is a normal body function. i honestly don't remember who the first one was but i'm sure they tried to pretend that they didn't hear or smell it because that is what people do. everyone does it so why make a big deal out of it.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?
answer: no

4. What food triggers you?
answer: i don't know of any food that triggers me more than others.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?
answer: good times

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?
answer: not since i was 7 years old. back then it was funny. now it is just a part of life.

tmi tuesday # 141

1. Do you believe in marriage?
answer: believe in marriage? is that like believing in santa claus or believing in a politician? i'm not entirely sure what there is to "believe" in. see answer to next question to understand this answer.

2. What is marriage to you?
answer: marriage is a legal thing. it allows you to be considered "a unit" for legal, political and business purposes. there are definitely benefits to be married but they have nothing to do with love, relationships or anything else.

3. If you are married, why did you do it? If you are not, why have you not married?
answer: for the benefits afforded and because it is the socially acceptable thing to do.

4. Do you believe in divorce?
answer: again this is a legal, political, business thing. but since you can get married, there are reasons to get divorced as well.

5. If you are divorced, why did you do it? If you have not, are there certain circumstances under which you would agree to a divorce?
answer: i divorced my first wife because we agreed that we did not want to be "a unit" anymore.


Bonus (as in optional): [ed note:I am not trying to spark a get political debate, I am much to superficial for that]Do you believe that same sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?
answer: a threat to a legal, political, business thing? no.


editoral comment: if these questions had been asked about relationships or love, my answers would have been completely different.

tmi tuesday #140

yes, i know it has been a long time. i'm trying to change that. but here are my answers.

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?
answer: i would like to think that someone does but i am not entirely sure what/who it would be. partly because it is a "job" and you have to "work". not sure who would like that. ok, maybe a porn star?

2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?
answer: how about none of the above. i live and i work but neither of them have anything to do with each other.

3. How many hours do you work a week?
answer: too fucking many. typical week = 50. lately = 75.

4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?
answer: mom

5. Have you ever used food during sex?
answer: yeah but it turned out so bad i have forgotten about it. i'd like to try again but would appreciate some pointers/suggestions before i do.


Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?
answer: a pint of ben and jerry's cherry garcia

Double Bonus from our inquisitors (still optional): "We are looking for suggestions. . . If someone asked for your suggestions for a butt worshiping evening (an evening devoted to butt attention), what would you suggest?"
answer: showers/bathes before as a couple where you begin the evening by washing each others butts. then lots of lube and plenty of time. do not rush anything. take your time. and don't be afraid or ashamed to do anything. fingers, tongues, toys, penis...anything is acceptable. kiss it, lick it, caress it. anything that feels good.

tmi tuesday #135

1. How many credit cards do you own? Are they paid off?
answer: to f-ing many and none of them are paid off. everytime i think we are close something happens and we have to use one or my will decide she needs to use one for something. the shopping thing is one of the bi-polar things.

2. Can you be in love with someone you don't trust?
answer: yes but i would not recommend letting them know about it.

3. Should prostitution be legal?
answer: it isn't legal??? oh crap!!

4. On a scale of 1-10, how good of a lover do you think you are? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
answer: as far as anyone reading this blog knows i am a 10. that is my story and i'm sticking to it.

5. What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?
answer:

1. smoking
   
2. not bathing for a week or more
   
3. shooting themselves in the head
   

i guess i have pretty low standards

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about your worst date ever.
answer: well there was this time at band camp ...

tmi tuesday #134

i am still alive. i'm just slammed at work right now. i'll get back in the swing soon.

1. Is there a TV show you HAVE to watch? If so, what is it?
answer: nothing that i can think of. there are a lot of shows i LIKE to watch but nothing that i HAVE to watch.

2. What is you favorite drink if you are going to drink more than one?
answer: alcoholic = coors light. non-alcoholic = iced tea

3. How long do you carry guilt around with you?
answer: not sure i carry it at all. why do something that is going to make you feel like that? better to avoid the situation than to pay for it.

4. Where is or would be your number one romantic get away spot?
answer: anywhere with bunny and/or i smile too much. if that couldn't happen i'd settle for a quiet place i can be with my wife where we can enjoy each other's company, just watch tv together without interruption or anything else we might choose to do.

5. Have you ever seen a counselor?
answer: yes. i used to work in a building where a counselor had an office. i saw him in the hallway all the time. there was also a law firm in the building so i saw those counselors (lawyers can be called counselors too) in the halls a lot too.

Bonus (as in optional): Last summer the Archives of Sexual Behavior the 237 reasons people have sex and the Top 50 Reasons Men and Women Have Sex. What are your top 5 reasons?
answer:

1. because there was a woman that was willing to have sex with me
   

that's it. that is pretty much it for any heterosexual man.

tmi tuesday #132

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tmi # 130

1. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, who are you (more) mad at?
   answer: since i don't really have a best friend(see brain farts on the side), this is hard for me to answer. but i think i'd be more upset with my girlfriend. but as long as my spouse doesn't find out about it, i guess i could live with it.
   
   
2. Is there something someone could say to you that would cross a boundary of not being able to take back or forgive them?
   answer: not that i can think of. i'm pretty good at ignoring people.
   
   
3. What non-sexual body part do you find the sexiest?
   answer: have you ever read my blog before? as the ad/saying goes ... "nothing beats a great pair of legs".
   
   
4. Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery to have the perfect body?
   answer: and what is wrong with my body now? just what are you implying?
   
   
5. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
   answer: not that i remember. but there was that one night at band camp that i can't quite remember.
   
   

Bonus (as in optional): If you were going to have a one night stand, who would you rather it be with- an ex or someone totally random you just met.
answer: totally random. that way if i did something stupid or it was just bad i have less of a chance of seeing them again

tmi tuesday # 128

1. Stubble... good or bad? How often do you shave?
answer: i shave every day for the most part. there are occasions i will skip a day. personally, i don't really care one way or another about stubble. and that is anywhere on a body.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
answer: ouch

3. Did you ever own a fake ID?
answer: nope. never needed one.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?
answer: yes but it was so long ago i barely remember it. get it? barely? oh, just forget it.

5. Have you ever had sex in the snow? Rain?
answer: no but i done it while both were going on outside. does that count?

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
answer: let's see. we would ride our horses into town for the church social. or sometimes we would hook up the buggy and bring in some home made ice cream or cobbler. seriously, it has been so long since i had a girlfriend, i can't remember. truth be told the last person i dated ended up being my second wife so i guess that would be my last girlfriend. what do you want to know about her?

tmi tuesday #127

1. In the midst of a hangover have you ever promised to "never drink again?" How long until you broke that vow?
answer: nope. i got the hangover by drinking and i knew i'd drink again. why make a promise you know you won't keep?

2. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drinking (or not if it is really stupid) but thought it seemed like a good idea at the time?
answer: stupidest thing i ever did that seemed like a good thing at the time was getting married to my first wife. and i wish i could blame that on drinking.

3. On a scale of 1-10, where do you rate green beer?
answer: depends on the brand of the beer that had the green food coloring added to it. just making a bad beer look green does not make it taste any better.

4. Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have (drunk or sober)?
answer: define "shouldn't have". if i kiss someone there is usually a reason for it. i do not kiss and regret. :)

5. What is the stupidest thing you have ever seen a drunk do (besides driving a car)?
answer: i grew up in west texas and went to college in the panhandle of texas. i can not tell you how many stupid drunks i have seen in my lifetime. they all just run together after a while.

Bonus (as in optional): How do you cure your hangover(s)?
answer: i can not remember the last time i drank so much i had a hangover. i learned really early not to get hangovers. i drink lots of water before, during and after i drink alcohol to prevent hangovers. i also make sure i eat. i also pace myself so that i don't over do it. i prefer to drink for pleasure and not drink to plastered.

tmi tuesday #126

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tmi tuesday #125

1. Under what conditions would you kiss a stranger?
answer: female, non smoker and willing to let me

2. Who was the last person you sent a text message to? If you’ve never sent someone a text message, is there some reason
answer: i just started text messaging this year. i hate having to carry a cell phone to begin with. and the thought of having another place to check for messages just pissed me off. but i have to admit, i like texting better than the phone ringing. at least with texts i can respond when i want to. last person i texted was probably my wife.

3. When was the last time you deliberately surprised someone?
answer: i surprise people all the time with my brilliance.
ok, serious answer: i surprise people all the time with my brilliance.

4. How often do walk somewhere (hopefully, other than the mailbox)?
answer: i walk all the time. i walk to the 'fridge to get a beer. i walk to the bathroom. i walk to the couch with my cold beer.
ok, serious answer: i walk all the time. i walk to the 'fridge to get a beer. i walk to the bathroom. i walk to the couch with my cold beer. i also walk a lot at work. my office is on the 3rd floor. my boss is on the 4th floor. also a lot of the people i need information from are on the 4th floor. i probably go up and down the stairs about 20 times a day. i hate searching for parking places so i always take one of those spots that are far out in the boonies and just walk in. none of my "trips" can be measured in miles, but add them up and they get fairly long.

5. What were the longest and shortest durations of your romantic relationships?
answer: longest ex-wife: 10 years married, dated for 6. current wife is getting close. we've been married for 11 years but we only dated for 1. shortest: who the hell knows. it if was that short it didn't really leave much of an impression.

Bonus (as in optional):What is missing from your life.
answer: several million dollars and all the sex i can handle.

tmi #124

1. What can you consider as the greatest thing you've ever done for/ to yourself?
answer: not depending on my parents for everything when i was a kid. it taught me to be independent and self sufficient.
answer #2: lasik surgery. i wore glasses way too long and it is great not having to wear them.

2. What/ Which part of your life you think you could have done better and why?
answer: 1-12 grade. i wish i would have learned how to make real friends instead of just acquaintances.

3. Do you have that one person whom you consider to be the wind beneath your wings?
answer: no

4. Tell us about your longest relationship.
answer: first wife. we were married for 10 years and dated for 6 before that. and we were together for about 10 years too long. we never should have gotten married.

5. In a relationship, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
answer: when you start finding reasons to be somewhere other than where your partner is at.

Bonus (as in optional):What is that one intimate moment with someone you miss so much and what are you willing to risk to have another moment of it. ;)
answer: i know this is sad, but i can't think of a single intimate moment that has left a huge impression on me. it could be the guy vs girl thing or it could be that i just have not experienced it yet. either way, i got nothing.

tmi tuesday #123

1. Which one turns you on more Ink or piercing? Why?
answer: actually, neither of them have this effect on me.

2. What ink do you have? If none, what would you get and and where?
answer: i have a blue pen, a red pen, a black pen and a number of white board markers if those count as ink.
answer2: none and i have no desire to get any

3. What piercing do you have? If none, what would you get and and where?
answer: none and again, no desire

4. Any other adornments you like to do for your lover or have then do for you?
answer: nope

5. Of all of the above is there anything that is an immediate Turn-Off?
answer: too much of anything is a turn off. i have posted this on my blog...i just do not get the attraction of tattoos. i'm not saying that am immediately turned off by them but i don't get the strange attraction some people have to them. the same could be said about piercings. it just doesn't make sense to me why people go extreme with either. i'd love to have someone try to explain it to me.

Bonus (as in optional): If money/work place rules/your life/whatever what ALL would you do to your body in the name of sexual or just general adornment?
answer: i honestly can't think of anything.

tmi tuesday #122

1. what's the sexiest gesture a person you are sexually interested can make?
answer: it is all about the eyes and mouth. a sexy smile paired with direct eye contact and i am smitten.

2. what are 3 inevitable things about you?
answer: 1) i'm going to die 2) i'm going to be a smartass until i die 3) i will always look at women as they walk by.

3. how many types of orgasms have you experienced?
answer: for a man, i don't know if there is more than one. if there is, i apparently have never had them. so i've had the obvious one.

4. what asset do you have besides the physical and the material?
answer: mental and spiritual?

5. what do you want . . . . now?
answer: this, this, this, this, or several million dollars.

Bonus (as in optional):describe a sexy mind.
answer: sexy is an attitude. sexy is slow. sexy is pleasureable. sexy is seductive. sexy is creative. sexy is giving. sexy is taking. sexy is sharing. sexy is caring. sexy is exquisite.

tmi #121

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
answer: believe it or not, i have never had a nickname. people have always called me by real name. i have been called names before but those were usually due to something i did. i've heard "you are a prick" more times than i can count.

2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please.
answer: can't say that i have a favorite. in fact, i can't say i even remember a poem that doesn't start with "roses are red...".

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
answer: her name is lesa. she was/is my first true love. she broke up with me in junior high school. i wish i had fought to keep her. if i had, we would be married today.

4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
answer: two answers: raw carrots and chocolate. maybe not at the same time but those are the two. reasons: i have acid reflux. i have found that if i eat raw carrots, it helps to settle my stomach and reduce the reflux. don't ask me why but it does. so if it is late and i'm hungry, i'm most likely going to be suffering from reflux. carrots are the cure. now as to why chocolate. who doesn't understand that?

5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
answer: i have a lot of old clothes. some of my shirts are 15+ years old. i still wear them because they still fit and they are in good shape. i can't say that i love them. they are just not worn out yet.

Bonus (as in optional):Name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior.
answer: really? people change their behavior because of tv or movies? it's called entertainment.

tmi #120

1. Would you stay in a relationship with an physically unfaithful partner?
answer: probably.

2. Would you stay in a relationship with an emotionally unfaithful partner?
answer: yes

3. On a scale of 1-10, how important is the recognition of birthdays to you (your's, a friend's, a partner's)?
answer: i make it a point to recognize children's birthdays. adults not as much. especially if you are in your 30's. by then, it is just another day. now if someone reaches their 80's and above, back to celebrating because that is an accomplishment.

4. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?
answer: down, i think.

5. Every one has a pet peeve, tell me one of yours.
answer: people being late for meetings, especially ones that they scheduled.

Bonus (as in optional):Name someone famous who you have no sexual interest in but would have sex with just to brag about it?
answer: eva longoria. she is too skinny and too superficial for my tastes, but dudes would give you props for scoring the action. :)

tmi #119

1. What was your favorite book as a kid?
answer: i don't have a favorite book. however, i read all the time. i always have at least one book that i am reading. but i only read fiction. i use books as an escape. i tend to find an author i like, read everything they have ever written and move on to another author. what author am i reading now? actually i'm looking for a new one. got any suggestions?

2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?
answer: anything i haven't already read.

3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?
answer: hell, i don't even remember the last "naughty" book i read, much less the first one.

4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?
answer: "brain farts smell like chicken". don't ask me why because i couldn't tell you. it just seems like a good title because there is at least one person out there that would buy it just to see what the hell it was about.

5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?
answer: all depends on my mood. sometimes i need visual stimilus and sometimes i don't. but i think on average, i'd rather have erotic fiction read to me by a nude female.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?
answer: see the list of brain farts on the sidebar.

tmi #118

1. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?
answer: i really don't pay attention to homes on television series. it could be because the television series i watch don't really show many homes. and if they do show a home it is usually a crime scene and you only get to see the room with the dead body in it. but if i have to choose, i'd take the house from "2 and half men" but i'd put it somewhere besides california. don't want to live in california. and i'd have to add a couple of bedrooms to make it big enough for my family.

2. If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time?
answer: my job.

3. Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13?
what difference does it make? like anyone reading this is going to know the people?
at 8: roy cullison
at 13: abel mendoza

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why?
answer: i'd do a world tour so that i could cover everywhere.

5. Would you hate loosing your sight or hearing most?
answer: sight. i can deal with silence.

Bonus (as in optional): Nature or nurture?
answer: wtf does this mean? since no one else has posted answers i couldn't read theirs to find out. so since i have no clue what this means, i'm going to say my answer is ....

orange

tmi #117

1) Do you have/ever had any dating or sex superstitions? (Wear 'lucky jeans' on first date, always light a vanilla candle, etc.) If so, what are they?
answer: nope. in fact i can't even think of a non-sexual superstition that i have.

2) If you were stranded on the old deserted island, and a genie appeared who could only grant you one wish -- to bring one of the following people to join you, who would it be?
- your spouse/significant other
- an unrequited love or some person you've had a crush on
- an old/past love
- your best friend
answer: this question is difficult. if i asked for my spouse and we were never rescued, then my kids would grow up orphans. i wouldn't want that. but if i asked for a unrequited love or past love and then was rescued, my wife would probably kill me. i have no best friend so this one is tough. i'd probably pick the one that would give me the best chance of getting rescued. i know, not exactly what you were hoping to see but it is the truth. so, i'd pick the unrequited love/crush. i'd ask for who ever the biggest female star is at the time because people would look for them and our chances of rescue are greater. plus they typically are nice looking so it would make things a little prettier around the island. the downside is that i'd probably be arrested for kidnapping because i took them against their will. damn this whole thing sucks. maybe i'd just ask for a volleyball and name it wilson.

3) Tell us "weather or not" you're in the mood -- how does rain, snow, sleet, scorching heat, sweltering humidity etc. affect your libido.
answer: weather does nothing for me. i can get horny in any kind of climate.

4) Are you a crying drunk, an angry drunk, a 'I'm drunk, let's screw' sort of a drinker? (And, if you do not drink -- which one of those things is the reason?)
answer: i'm a mellow drunk.

5) Who turns you on the most & why:
the activist
the author
the care-giver/healer (nurse, doctor, masseuse, herbalist, chiropractor etc.)
the comedian
the educator (professor, teacher, mentor etc.)
the model
the musician
the politician
the scientist
answer: i could care less what the person does for a living. i'm interested in the person, not the profession.

Bonus (as in optional): Looking back, what's the one thing you've done which was supposed to be erotic, but didn't quite work out?
answer: i started my own "lingerie of the month" club for my wife. each month i'd buy her something (panties, bras, corsets, gown). the only rule was that she had to wear everything at least once. it worked for about 2 months before she quit. the "i'm fat and hideous" thing won out. did i mention she was just diagnosed as being bi-polar?

tmi #112

1. If your partner buys you a sexy little "something" is it a present for you or for your partner?
answer: it would be a present for me. and if i bought her "something" it would be for me too.

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"?
answer: comfortable with themselves, compassionate, willing to explore

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?
answer: 9.5

4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them. On you? On a partner?
answer: i don't get them. why do people get tattoos? why do people find them attractive? i just do not get it. especially when there are lots of them. if you can explain this to me, please do.

5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave?
answer: i shave almost every day. occasionally i'll get lazy and not shave. but mostly every day. if it would ever get cold here, i might grow a beard. but until then, i'm shaving every day.

Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
sexual answer: the sound women make when they cum, feeling a woman's moan through my lips as i softly kiss her neck, the taste of a woman, heels, stockings, soft materials against a woman's skin
non-sexual answer: chocolate milk and mini-chocolate donuts, watching kids learn to do something new, flannel sheets when it is cold